


Sharing is Caring (Unless its from Jane)

by sapphirebluerubyredroses



Category: EOS 10 (Podcast)
Genre: Jane shares way too much, akmazian is mildly interested, ryan is traumatized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphirebluerubyredroses/pseuds/sapphirebluerubyredroses
Summary: “Oh boy, Ryan, do I have a story for you!”





	

“Oh boy, Ryan, do I have a story for you!” Jane shouted as she positively crashed into the chair across from him. Her face was as bright as the sun, eyes shining with mischief. On top of that, he could have sworn there was a lilt to her voice and a blush to her cheeks that only came from sexual gratification. Her hair was a fluffy, rumpled mess, and her uniform seemed to have fared no better. Creases lined the thick material.

Ryan paused, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Jane, no,” he said, shaking his head vigorously.

“Oh, but you're really going to want to hear this. You really, really do. I absolutely have to tell you. The only way you'll be able to stop me is if you steal my voice.”

“I'm having breakfast, can't this wait till later? Like when we're at work and bored out of our minds? Or when I'm not in immediate danger of throwing up?”

“No, it absolutely can't,” she told him vehemently.

Setting his fork down, Ryan whined petulantly, “Jane, I can't help you hide the body, no matter whose it is. Unless it's the Quartermaster, then I can probably manage something.”

Jane rolled her eyes spectacularly, shaking her head. She took his fork, starting in on his food without permission. He couldn't being himself to stop her though. “It's not a body this time. Anyway, if it were, I wouldn't come to **you** to help me hide it.”

“ _This time_? Jane, how many bodies have you had to hide?”

“Ah, ah, ah, Ryan, I told you I wasn't going to prison.”

“Jes-”

Cutting him off, Jane said without even a twitch of her lips, “Levi and I had sex last night.”

If Ryan could have completely shut down, he was sure he would have. He stared at her blankly, his mind scrambling to understand the statement placed before him. Finally, he spoke. “Oh... oh my _god_. B-but his... How does that eve- Ew! Oh my god, Jane!”

Jane twirled Ryan's fork flippantly. “I know what you're thinking. It really wasn't as complicated as you're imagining... Actually... it kind of was complicated, but so worth it.”

Pressing his hands to his face, Ryan tried desperately not to imagine anything. Out of all of the things that had happened to him since coming to EOS 10, this was absolutely the most traumatizing. “Jesus, Jane, but this is _Levi_ we're talking about, our hypochondriacal saucier. How did that even happen?”

“Well, you know that bottle of whiskey we found awhile back?”

Ryan stared at her. “No, I don't remember the bottle of whiskey.”

“Well, there was a bottle of whiskey we found awhile back, and I discovered that Levi's liver doesn't metabolize alcohol as quickly as humans. He tried to drink me under the table, so on and so forth, and here we are.”

Ryan shook his head again. “No, Jane, no 'and here we are'. That's not how that works!”

“Actually-”

“Don't finish that sentence.”

Jane grinned widely. “So, we all know the whole Aryan 7 thing, and it was a little awkward at first. You know how first time sex between friends can be.”

A pair of passersby frowned, looking them up and down. Ryan ducked his head as he muttered, “No, I can't say I do,” red gracing his cheeks.

“Really? I was sure you and your terrorist would have managed to get that far by now. Wait! Has he not even kissed you yet? What a let down. I thought he'd have bigger balls than that.”

“He's not a terrorist, and we are not talking about this.”

“Oh, right, so the whole Aryan 7 thing. It was a little awkward at first. We were really drunk by that point, and drunk sex never really works out the way you imagine. Like trying to read a book in the dark. I'm pretty sure my hair got stuck in his shirt somehow, and we couldn't figure out how to work my zipper for the _longest_ time. It was basically like falling off a bike, but hell, after we got everything figured out and situated, my gods. Ryan, you should _really_ try it.” She grinned widely, sighing as she looked towards the ceiling. “Best fuck I've had in a long time.”

Ryan could feel a distinctive twitch surfacing around his eye. “Jane, please stop talking.”

“But Ry,” she whined.

“No, stop. I'm leaving, and I'm taking this with me.” Before she could protest, Ryan grabbed his plate and jumped to his feet, nearly running from the food court. When he'd reached the hallway, he was sure he was free of torment, until...

“Ryan, I wasn't done telling you!”

…..

Akmazian sighed, his arms shoved elbow deep into the depths of the Silent Storm's starboard engine. He leaned his head against the cool metal, closing his eyes for just a moment. Despite what he advertised, he was getting tired of running, tired of hiding. He'd been doing so for centuries! Or, at least, it felt like he had been.

Silently, he wondered what Levi-induced chaos Ryan was dealing with today. Maybe, just maybe, he could sneak over and scare the ever living daylight out of the pink haired doctor. He was positively adorable when he was flustered and blus-

A crash had him jumping and spinning to his feet, blaster pointed somewhere in the direction of the noise. He stared at the intrusion for a long moment before rolling his eyes and turning back to the engine. “Royal Saucier, what do you want now? I don't have the means of procuring anything at the moment.”

Levi stood awkwardly in the doorway, staring at the box he'd knocked over in his entrance. He rung his hands in front of his body. “I am not here for an object. I am here for... advice...”

Narrowing his eyes, Akmazian stared at him over his shoulder. “Advice? On what? Not another plant, right? Do you know what Ryan did to me for the last one?”

Levi continued as if Akmazian hadn't asked his last question. “How, that is to say, do you woo a woman?” His stared at the ceiling, his eyes falling on everything save for Akmazian himself.

The wrench Akmazian had picked back up clanged to the cargo bay floor. “Oooooh no. You can go to the good doctor for that. I am not Dr. Phil, sir.” He stooped to scoop up the wrench, spinning to shove it in Levi's direction pointedly.

“I could not. He will not understand.”

“I think you underestimate him...” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Who are you tryin' to woo?”

“Nurse Johns.”

Akmazian snorted, laughing under his breath. He glanced up at Levi and choked. “Oh, you were serious. Okay, why are you trying to woo Jane? She's like a herd of wet cats thrown in a sack of crazy. How would that even work with... all of that?” He made a wide circle around the region of his groin. “It's really different than our equipment.”

“Well, it seemed to have worked. She was quite pliant and appeared pleased this morning, and she did not even complain when I came into the clinic today.”

Akmazian blinked at him owlishly. “Woah, back up there, saucier. It already went down? Then what do you need my help for?”

“I wish to continue these relations, but alcohol may have been the cause of the first relation.”

“Not the greatest way to start things, but with Jane, all you need to do it ask.”

“Yes, but last night was, how do you humans put it, like falling off of a bike. It was similar trying to knock something off of a high shelf with a rubber band.”

“Or like trying to hit a home run, but punting the ball instead.”

“I don't understand the analogy.”

The cargo bay doors crashed open. Ryan stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the pair with a face that immediately brightened from ghost white to ruby red. “Oh no, you leave right now. I can not do this again. Go trip into an airlock somewhere else,” he demanded, storming forward to shove a plate into Akmazian's chest before turning back towards Levi. He tore the wrench from Akmazian's hands, the tool becoming far more threatening in the doctor's sure grip as he clutched it in his fist.

“But Dr. Dalias, I was seeking advice.”

“I don't care! Go trip into a hole! I'm sure Jane won't be too far behind!”

“But-”

Ryan's arm reared back. “Go, Levi!”

“As you wish.” He left quickly, genuine fear etched into his features.

Akmazian watched Levi rush from the bay. Ryan was sinking to the floor beside him, pressing his face into his hands and his hands into his knees, the wrench kissing his cheek. Rocking slightly back and forth, his whispered, “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. **God**.”

“You okay there, darlin'?” he asked, lowering himself beside Ryan, still holding the plate.

“God, no. I've been traumatized. I'll have nightmares about this for months.”

“About what?” he asked, peaking beneath the tinfoil on the plate.

Ryan lifted his head, tipping back it to stare at the ceiling. His bit at his bottom lip in a way that Akmazian found incredibly distracting. “Jane told me about their encounter... She told me everything... I only just shook her off before coming here.”

Raising an eyebrow at Ryan, he replied promptly, “I don't want to hear. Is this for me?”

Narrowing his eyes at him, Ryan said, “Yes, and if I have to be scarred, so do you.”

“You're going to ruin a perfectly good meal?”

“Yes, I am!”

 


End file.
